In this week's Pulse Report the streets are buzzing about Fat Joe sparring with Prodigy, the Dipset bond unraveling even more, Snoop Dogg sending an ugly message to the ladies, Eliot Spitzer bowing out disgracefully and T.I.'s new style.
[Editor Note: the views of this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH.com]
1. Fresh Beef. Fat Joe has found yet another enemy to battle in his never-ending beef with 50 Cent. Mobb Deep rapper Prodigy stepped in the crossfire of the war when he went at Joey Crack in one of his recent blog posts. The G-Unit affiliate essentially said Joe ranks among the rappers he doesn't listen to because they "suck."
"I gotta be brutally and no-holds-barred honest...who the f*ck really likes any of these other rap mu'f*ckas? You really listen to Fat Joe? You really listen to Cassidy? Sheek Louch? Max-B? Jim Jones? Cam? Black Eyed Peas? Lupe Fiasco? Talib Kweli? Red Café? Joe Buddens? Uncle Murder? From the East Coast to West Coast and all in-between, it's too much bullsh*t to name it all, I mean the list goes on and on and let's be for real here, all that sh*t sucks to the maximum point of sucking."
And apparently the blog wasn't enough release therapy for P; he had more to say on video. [Watch here]
But to make sure he didn't alienate everyone he created a list of rappers he "f*cks wit." [Read here]
Meanwhile, in an interview with Rhaspody, Joe was quick to respond to P's rant.
"Prodigy? Before he was down with G-Unit, he might've did like 10 songs with me. I didn't even know he said all that. I know that he fell off and that [G-Unit] are very irrelevant in the hip-hop game today. He's not relevant no more. We had a big-time relationship and done did songs together."
"That really surprises me that he's talking like that," Joe continued. "If he said that then I guess that's his opinion. I could tell you a million things about him, but I ain't gonna say nothing. I'm really disappointed with them Prodigy comments because I haven't been disrespecting him. He's in the gutter right now. I ain't speak with him ever since he got down with G-Unit."
I just pray for P's sake this doesn't get physical. Joe putting "the beats" on the little guy would prettymuch suck to maximum point of sucking.
2. Death Of A Dynasty. Oh boy, it looks as if the end is near for the Dipset clique, after yet another week of disorderly conduct among them. First, Freeky Zeeky drops a tell-all song, "Big Brother." Over Kanye West's track of the same name, Zeeky delves deep into the in-house bickering the crew has been experiencing since Cam'ron and Jim Jones stopped seeing eye to eye. [Listen here]
Then Juelz Santana gets arrested for riding dirty with weed and hollow point bullets in his Bentley. Meanwhile, Jim Jones is still unhappy with Cam and preparing to bury former Byrd Gang member Max-B. [Listen here]
SMH. All you Dipset goonies & groupies out there, allow me to write the first few lines of their eulogy.
Here lies a band of brothers who did it their way. No crew could stake claim to uniting some of the world's worst rappers and making them appeal to an entire generation. No one else had the uncanny ability of passing off metro-sexuality as thuggery-pink furs and scarfies. In the face of fear they never cowered - except for that one time in the park. A resilient bunch they were. Able to bounce back from countless beat downs, stabbings and bullet wounds...
Feel free to finish that for me.
3. Super Ugly. Apparently Snoop Dogg has been sipping way too much of what Bishop Magic Don Juan has been pouring in his goblet. In a recent BET blog post the rap icon sounded like an irate pimp when he went on a mean spirited sexist rant against ugly women.
"How many ugly women selling records? None! Only the pretty ones sell records. Beyonce, Mary J, Keyshia Cole, the ugly ones don't sell. I ain't gon say no names, but they don't sell records. They just be singing their little hearts out, but they don't get no sales, 'cause they ugly. Now, that's my fault? I can see this on TV now: 'Snoop Dogg called me ugly.' You beautiful on the inside, baby. What I wanna say to go on top of that, to the chocolate women, the dark-skinned women, I love ya'll. I got a chocolate daughter at home. I always tell her chocolate is the best thing in the world...."
Damn Snoop, that's cold. Furthermore, Fantasia and Amy Winehouse are platinum selling artists. You're way off base with this homie.
4. Hard Out There For A Simp. Congratulations to former New York governor Eliot Spitzer, who is the first official honoree in the Pulse Report's "Sucks To Be That Guy" award. We like to give this decoration to the douche bag no one wants to trade places with at the moment. Of course you know by now the hip-hop hating governor from New York, who cracked down on the sale of mixtapes and went after many hip-hop radio stations for payola, was forced to resign after getting caught in a prostitution ring. Big El was making it rain on them h*es at the tune of $5,000 a pop.
Now, in the spirit of my man Prodigy, let me the first to stake claim to the rap name Eliot Spitzer. From this day forth no rapper can come out with that name. This also includes all the aliases that come with it. E Spizzle,.E Spitz. Spitz Hot Fire. El Spitzer (for all you reggaeton cats). First b*tches!
Also I'm officially staking claim to being the first rapper to use these punchlines:
"I spitz fire like Eliot."
"I ain't lovin' her like a NY governor"
"Me break bread like Eliot?/What are you an idiot?"
First b*tches!
5. Arrested Development. Lupe Fiasco just dropped the remix to his single "Superstar" and he invited Young Jeezy and T.I. to rock along side him on this one. From the sound of it, seems like T.I. has been working on a funky new flow while under house arrest. [Listen here]
Wow! Tip smoked that one. He clearly had a lot to get off his chest as he addressed his upcoming trail and the rumors his Grand Hustle family is falling apart in his absence.
"You ain't gotta ride for me I ain't ask you to/Take the journey on my own I'll gladly do/You go on and turn around I'll call a cab for you/I stand up on my own two/me kiss the ass of who."
Who wants to doubt me that when T.I. gets out the crib and drops his next album Paper Trail, he'll replace Lil' Wayne as the "best rapper alive"?
Aurevoir sal cons! Fucque forever!
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